Toastmaster CC4 - Four Words

As we start, would request you all to close your eyes, please.

Now imagine a very frustrating moment you witnessed lately. I mean really those moments that made you literally crush your teeth and left you wanting to scream. Oh how the hell you maintained your sanity after that, only you will know! Had there been a Noble Prize for such cases, you definitely would have got a nomination, if not the prize.

Please now open your eyes. You would have noticed that most such frustrating teeth- crunching moments happen where someone we care or love is involved. Aah, I see a soft nod from most married ones!

My dear Toastmasters, such moments came into my life with Sandy. I first met her as my roommate at boarding school. In the beginning it was just her study table and bed being overloaded with her books, clothes, bag, empty food wrappers and what not. Soon the overload spread to her almirah, my table-bed-almirah and thereafter everywhere in the room. There would be times I had to literally fight the urge to just pick my bed sheet and dump all her stuff on the ground.

I tried to help out but thereafter it was more like giving inputs about how this lack of tidiness and responsibility would eventually lead to her own loss. She missed preparing for her Maths exam as was unable to locate her notebook in the dump. And I told her I told you so! Our room was voted the worst room in the whole dorm for year 1. And I told her I told you so! Our room remained voted as the worst room 4 years in the row and I said “I told you so!” Once she missed locating her cash to be paid to the cash shop and she was unable to give her birthday party treat. “Sandy, I told you so!” Despite it all, we remained good friends.

Odd as it may seem, we again ended up as flat mates when working in Geneva together and still she hadn’t changed much. Unfinished food plates, empty wrappers were always left in the common room. The weekly cleaner used to charge extra for this and while Sandy would be seen shelling it out, I would just stand to say “I told you so!”  Once we even faced a power blackout on Friday evening because Sandy missed paying the bill on time and we could not any power back before Monday. “I told you so!”

My salary was quite low then and I was barely scratching the surface. My parents used to be quite worried as to why I was struggling so much – working so late and making so little. Once when my parents came visiting, the first thing I did was to push Sandy out to make room for them to stay with me. The house was spic and span! I took my parents out to one of the finest places I could afford to make it all feel nice and good. But parents then are parents – they know it all. At the airport I stood hearing my share of “I told you so”.

Soon after I reached home feeling low and there she was. Sandy. One look at me, and it was as if she knew the problem. She came and hugged me saying “Everything gonna be okay”. This made me feels quite bad about me, imagining the million times I said “I told you so” and here she was making me feel better.

These four words became the most important lesson of my life. So anytime I get a bad beating in life – be it something going off track, a bad review from the boss, kid getting hurt – I just think and repeat “Everything gonna be ok”. And frankly it has always been okay eventually, some later than most but then it has been always okay eventually.

So my dear toastmasters, the next time on you feel low, you feel that it is difficult not getting up from here, or something having gone down that frustrating path, just say “Everything gonna be okay”!

Thank you

Toastmaster CC3 - Is my life cool enough?

A friend today felt forced to book a Hong Kong holiday as his family was eager for a foreign holiday after seeing holiday posts from their FB friends. Another friend last week decided to use Botox to ensure she gets the perfect #justwokeup pictures for her Instagram.

While first one came as a reaction to some actual trip posts, the second one seems to be a desired state of “far from reality” existence leading to frustration and mayhem in lives around. Hashtags like #IWokeUpLikeThis, #Effortless, #Amazing holiday, etcetera many a times send a story out where the receiver may not be sure if the selfies or travel photos are edited or not, taken a zillion times before posting one or not. As per a study done by Carnegie University, India has seen maximum selfie led accidental deaths till Sep 16 in the world; its 76 out of total 126.

Isn’t it the state of insta lies that makes many of us feel at loss of our peace of mind to start with? Do we need these tools of social media to tell us how cool our life really is? My dear Toastmasters, in my third CC, I would like to discuss how the cool quotient has increasingly become dependent on perceptions initiated from the social media.

In today’s time our “cool quotient” isn’t really about how “cool” one really is but rather how it is perceived on social media. It has rather become a parading ground for people boasting about their promotions at work, cute babies, new homes, marathon times, culinary miracles, engagements, weddings and idyllic holidays. People are determined to out-do their nearest and dearest, and brag on sites like Facebook, Instagram or status updates on Whats App under the guise of sharing their news.

Sometimes I feel that clearly there is a market for startups that Photoshop your image into pictures of groups of people doing cool things, and regularly uploads these to Facebook or Instagram, along with automatically-generated fake descriptions of these fake cool things you are allegedly doing.  Your friends will be impressed!

As for WhatsApp, the business of creating those “ready-to-be-forwarded” messages has grown well and with Reliance Jio, it’s sure to get double digit growth especially in India.

If we look at the size of how social networks have grown, it is huge. Too big to ignore today, Facebook has a membership of 1.94 billion active accounts. This would mean that 26% of global population actually is on Facebook, or to explain better, one in four humans on planet Earth is active on FB. Other sites like Whats App aren’t far behind really, having almost 18% of global population using it.

The impact overall is huge. Oxford Dictionary has added “Facebook”, “Instagram” and “insta lie” as verbs. And it is the positives that can be drawn from it all.

Imagine home bakers like Parvati who are not big enough to have her own bakery and paraphernalia. From her FB page, she caters to many like me supplying amazing cakes and bakery products. Consider those Whats App groups which allow us to share information easily, like the parents’ group at my kid’s school! My father has been quite happy lately as he not only has managed to connect with his school friends on FB but also is keen on connecting with old colleagues on a Whats App group. Social media effectively has allowed ease in exchange of information.

It’s of course, your own choice to accept things. So if you experience any pressure by looking at my FB posts, it’s practically your own creation - a case of a mouse falling in his own trap? It becomes easy to blame others for this so-called pressure. But then who are we fooling? Isn’t it a self-created self-craved interpretation we desire? We feel it is imminent that we are perceived in the social media as well-groomed, well-traveled, cultured, having a great family life and being loved at office. We don’t make time to call and meet people around; rather we like to post and receive likes for our exciting social life. Whose fault it then actually is?

After hearing my speech, the audience will be able to understand that social media should not actually be taken as a mirror of our society but rather a petri dish that we wish our respective microscopic evaluations of our respective lives. Clicking selfies, posting dinner pics on FB, etc is fine but then more important is to enjoy and experience the moment itself, and of course, yourself. It is better to live life than to look for it on the screens, my friends.

Thank you

Toastmaster CC2 - Pride and Prejudice

Yesterday was the 200^th death anniversary of Jane Austen. She is my favourite author ever and also the author of most favourite novel of mine, Pride and Prejudice. I was 13 years old when my English teacher forced me to read it. The book turned a rather non-interested reader in me to a ferocious and avid reader of classics today.

Pride and Prejudice contains one of the most cherished love stories in English literature – the courtship of Darcy and Elizabeth. As any good love story, the main characters must elude and overcome the stumbling blocks beginning with the tensions brought about by a personality clash or personal qualities.

A common theme across the book is pride and many characters allude to the idea that human nature is particularly prone to pride. Pride is notably the one of the two main barriers in the union of Darcy and Elizabeth. Darcy’s pride in his own social circles leads him to look down upon others. Elizabeth’s pride in her powers of discernment cloud her judgement.

The second key theme in my view is Prejudice. Darcy’s pride finds its place in social prejudice and class divisions. Elizabeth’s prejudice is routed in her sense of discernment. Ultimately its their egos which drive them to prejudice and isn’t it something we all face around us. It’s actually easier to get prejudiced about things, people and actions we all know little about.

Happiness comes to Darcy and Elizabeth once they allow themselves to look beyond their personal follies. Austen however, has not allowed most of her characters to see beyond their pride, leaving us with an undercurrent as to how it is actually easy to not change oneself and keep on finding faults in others for own actions and sufferings.

This brings us to the third key theme in my view – family and education. Family as a unit is primarily responsible for the intellectual and moral education of children. Education is lot beyond the degrees given out at universities. There is nothing which can forgive negligence on parents’ part towards inculcating moral values and discernment ability among children. There will always be fewer beings like Elizabeth and her sister Jane who become what they are despite this sheer negligence. Darcy’s aristocratic father gave him values making him one of the noblest characters every written appealing to both Aristotelian and Christian values but left him with a sense of pride that clouded his positives. The mother in Lady Catherine de Brough’s formidable upbringing left her daughter not only too frightened to speak but left her in a rather sickly state.

The book leaves us with the universal appeal with regard to human follies and social class. After all, it is only education that gives us the discernment to rise above the moment and rescue self from the false sense of social biases. It is this appeal which makes this love story much beyond just a love story and makes Austen an author loved across generations.

Toastmaster Ice Breaker - CC1

Hello Everyone,

Today I am giving my Icebreaker speech. Title of the speech is "I, Me, Myself". The word icebreaker actually has its origins from shipping industry where vessels with reinforced bows were used to break the ice in bodies of water to keep the navigation channels open. Hopefully this speech allows me to do the same here about my life here.

My life has been like a book and now after a few sessions of Olam’s Toastmaster’s Club, I feel glad to start a new chapter with you all.

I would start with sharing the cover page with you first. It’s about my name. No offense to Shakespeare when he said “a rose is a rose is a rose”, but name does matter. Dehradun is the city where I was born and also where my parents were posted back then. As I was born premature, my parents struggled to initially find a name for me as they hadn’t thought they would have reached to this question earlier. Well, they did name me Rachna. I was just under two months old when at a picnic to Dhanaulti, my father saw an advert of a vegetable oil on the cover of a scooter’s stepney and he liked it so much that he named me Ruchi. But before you think I was named after a vegetable oil and hence, “fry up” those around me, let me clarify my father’s version – he like the meaning of the word Ruchi!

When I was two, the family moved to the joint family home in Delhi. Though only child of my parents, I have grown up with cousins and have my amazing share of childhood memories. While we had our share of friends, I actually grew up with my cousins Vicky, Manika, Reena, Himanshu, Meeta and Anoop.

The Mother’s International School was my first school and in class 7, was sent to boarding in Dehradun. Well, actually it wasn’t as if I was sent alone to boarding as some sort of punishment, we all cousins went together – the boys to the Doon and the girls to Welhams. This has been the most memorable chapter of my life.

Practically, we cousins have been practically inseparable, still living in the same house with respective families.

My grandparents have ensured that all kids in the house work to earn their college degree. So my work life and college life have actually begun together. Difficult to imagine in hindsight really, but the experience has been rather exciting and practically bringing in streaks of independence. As I enrolled for Honours degree in English Literature at DU’s St Stephen’s College, I also began to intern as a Reporter with The Indian Express. Well, the job helped to not just pay the college fee, it also helped me entry into varied events at the North Campus, including the late night fest cultural nights where possibly my parents wouldn’t have allowed. Three years of college and I moved to take a full time job at the newspaper and this led me to the most exciting and memorable chapter of my life. I was the first kid in the family to not look for a government service. It was quite odd really for the family but they seem to have taken it quite well.

I covered varied segments here from art to business, and crime to war. 43 days in the Afghan war was truly memorable and actually built perspectives which have lasted me till date. The most invigorating person in my life has been my first boss,. What best possibly would describe him is Taleb’s The Black Swan. 

His most valuable lesson to me has been that it is not the fall that matters; rather it is the vigour, the mind set and the speed with which one can stand up back on one’s feet!

Post journalism, I went for my Masters at LSE and Sheffield, followed an interesting analytics and trading career in commodities where you find me at Olam today. From a science student at school, a degree in humanities to a commerce post- graduation, I seemingly have enjoyed it all.

An aspect which have been continuous in life since I can remember and which makes me “me”, has been the excitement for the new. My love for reading, food, art, music and travel actually comes from that and leads to the optimism that I live my life with. Beatings of the life may cast a blow but don’t keep me down for long ever. Resurrection happens and always, with a vigour.

My life motto has been Zindagi Gulzar Hai; that is, life is a bed of roses having its share of the thorns; I believe my life has been so and will continue to be so. I believe in the “Universal Law of Attraction” -- that is, you get more of what you think about and feel strongly about. So if you believe, that good things are on their way, they will soon be there for you!

After being nominated for Toastmasters and wondering where it will help me, I would repeat myself in saying that it is opening a new chapter in my life. It’s been quite reassuring to hear “if you got up, said something and sat down, you have succeeded!”

I thank you all to be part of it and adding onto the memories I soon will be making. Over the last few years I’ve had more and more people looking to me for guidance and leadership. I’ve realized it’s just not something that comes all that naturally to me. But I do believe it is something that can be learned, and that’s why I’m standing in front of you here today! After all, it is only the inner growth that changes reality.

My Princess

I am blessed. I really am. Her smile just gives me a reason to feel alive and kicking. She is a little grabber who will just grab anything and everything in sight (and access of course) and off it goes into her mouth. A teether is the last thing she likes to grab though.

At four months, my princess just does end up doing something new every day. And mind you, am not exaggerating here. The coos, curdles, actions and smiles -- there is something new every day. Not at all a fussy kid, I must say! She loves to eat, sleep, drink and poo... and well, thats here activity. Her weekly outings are cherished and I love to see her than the surroundings. Her last trip was to see the lights at Rashtrapati Bhawan on the Republic Day evening and can only say, she had fun. And no cranky behaviour at the end of it!

Her latest fad: She loves to pose for the camera!

The photo frame

Post marriage, the new bride must fit into the photo frame -- its dimensions, structure and feel are predecided and she must not have any inclination to step out of that. If she does, she ain't a good daughter-in-law! Well, thats not just from personal experience but also from public view. Someone experienced lately told me that it will take as much as 5 years for the girl to be accepted as a family member. Sounds odd? But it seems truer as more and more girls second it.
A newly married colleague felt his new bride didn't need to adjust much as most of her things are just the same. When we suggested to him to try living at her parents house for just a week, he understood how difficult it can be! Well, after all, what does a girl desire from her new home? Some support, some trust and some adjustment from the other side. Just because she is from a new home it doesn't mean she is wrong? She has her likes and dislikes but in a society like India (however, urban, modern and open-minded some sections may claim to be), she is treated like nothing more than a trophy which has a set place on the mantlepiece or a person who must fit the photo frame hanging on the wall.

Long distance LOVE! Or is it 'distance long' LOVE?

"Distances grow fondness among people." Now haven't we heard this a million times before.
Well, indeed it does create fondness (of course, with "it" refering to distance here!) but in the process it takes a toll of emotions, efforts, time, energy and many times (lemme add usually here also) tears to keep it going.
But me no 'guru' of relationships. Rather am myself a victim and member of the Long Distance Club.

I guess people are right when they say that men are from mars and women are from Venus. 'We' are so different in every way.
Apart from being different biologically, we are different to a great extent in the way we think and the issues which hold great importance for me may be a normal or even a non-issue for my partner (and usually there are NO vice versa in such cases!).

Of course, how dare I disturb him when he is at work!! "I am busy. I have work. We will talk when I get back home." A normal response which is easy to live with and handle if you meet everyday or at least stay in the same city. But what happens when you are trying to measure the relationship thousands of kilometers on the globe?

And how can I forget the time factor? No am not mentioning the vices of different time zones in line with the GMT. Rather, my partner and I work in different time zones. I start early and finish early while he starts late and finishes late. Thus, his "free time" is usually well past my sleep time.
It's like when one is free to talk, the other one would be snoring and vice versa. When I want my partner to come online or talk on phone, he is either sleeping or at work and ultimately either I stay awake till late waiting for him to come talk or wait for the weekends when we can chit-chat without an interruption. What pain!

Chatting or email might sound as a substitute for phone calls but it is surely not. The tone, language and intensions can be often misinterpreted and in fact that's exactly what happens. But then being a little diplomatic on emails is much better than being answerable for looooooong phone bills. And phones? What can I say for them?

The time you call, you are more worried about keeping the phone down thinking about the mounting telephone bill and at the same time you end up discontented and unhappy for not being able to express what you really wanted to.

There are surely times when one starts remembering all the good moments spent together and the next thing is you pick up your phone and start dialing. But what if your partner doesn't answer. You end up being unhappy and upset, a clear case of MUS - "Missing U Syndrome" (I read about this one a while ago!).

To sum it, TRUST is the key in any relationship but it is the "most" important thing in long distance relationship. It is like a stone on which the relationship rests. It can make thousands of miles seem like just a phone call away.

A huge list of things including phone calls, letters, cards, gifts, sweet messages, voicemails, SMS, emails, chats and so on are needed to keep a long distance relationship alive and kicking. And one should always remember, Distance is not the end of the world in a relationship. Rather at many times it's the beginning and a strong one. How? Well, I said in the beginning, "Distances grow fondness among people". And trust me…it surely does!!!